Saturday, August 22, 2015


Purgatory is a good word for it--how one feels moving between one adventure and the next. The waiting, the wondering, the stress. A harsh light is shed on the temporality of situation, and relationships. Everything moves too fast and so, agonizingly slow. Decisions must be made. Adulthood must happen. Money is probably a good call.

It's good to be back. To see faces I haven't seen in seven months. To listen to friends' stories and life updates. To compare goals and ask big questions together. It's also been really great having access to my favorite Thai food.

But now is the time to make important choices I've been putting off since April. It's all fun and games to decide to move across the country, but then the reality of actually doing it hits you in the face. Is this what I really want? There are two sides to a coin: on one side, one wings it. On the other, one carefully researches and plans. Maybe these sides are on the same coin for a reason. I've got the winging down. The planning I'm working on.

I have no idea what I'm doing. It is terrifying. Luckily, I have amazing friends who feed me and let me pet their cat. Amazingly, I've found some work to occupy my time (and fund my craft beer tastings) until I get on the road. Hopefully, I can keep my shit together until that time, if not for longer.

There are some things that are keeping me sane. The first sip of coffee in the morning. The sunrise over Otsego county's breath-taking hills, knolls, and farmland. Loving Kristofferson, Andréa and Robby's cat. Music. And walking. Frothing the perfect foam for a latte. And writing, when I do it.

I'm going to leave you with a poem, because poetry is great and everybody should appreciate it on a more regular basis.

The Orange
At lunchtime I bought a huge orange—
The size of it made us all laugh.
I peeled it and shared it with Robert and Dave—
They got quarters and I got a half.
And that orange, it made me so happy,
As ordinary things often do
Just lately. The shopping. A walk in the park.
This is peace and contentment. It's new.
The rest of the day was quite easy.
I did all the jobs on my list
And enjoyed them and had some time over.
I love you. I'm glad I exist.