It's 12:15 on a Thursday morning in June, and my tongue is burnt. I had an unfortunate encounter with some sizzling hot gluten-free brownie last night, and today I've had to pay for it with a dull sense of taste. Not tasting food to the food's full extent, in short, fucking sucks. My friends and I visited The Autumn Cafe for lunch, and I ordered a cheese omelette. I couldn't enjoy the cheese. Eggs are kind of bland to begin with, but cheese--cheese is meant to be tasted. Woe is me and my #firstworldproblems. But the lunchtime conversation was delightful. Shannon, Lajoie and I discussed Game of Thrones (as I'd finished the last episode of season 4 two hours before lunch), as well as a medley of topics, including whether or not it's okay to love two people at once. Lajoie insisted that loving two people at once is unethical, and that it's important to be honest with the partner one chooses. I.e. if you're dating one person but still in love with another, it's your duty to let your partner know how you feel about the other love. Preferably this discussion would be had before you begin dating the datable one. Shannon argued that it wouldn't be fair to tell the partner how you feel about the other love, because the knowledge of the other love might tear at the partner, or the partner may compare himself to the other love, and that wouldn't be healthy for the relationship you've agreed to pursue. This question, or topic of discussion, inspired a great deal of thought amongst us all. I agreed with neither of my friends and instead my mind wandered to why or how a person might love two people at the same time. How would that be possible?
I for one have not yet fallen in love. Let me qualify: I have not yet fallen in love and received mutual love-feels at the time of loving. In short, I've loved the idea of many a person (and character, if you count those). It hasn't really been unrequited love, either. Just straight up: this person seems super awesome; let me not ever put myself in a position to get to know him fully and instead I'll go on ahead and create the perfect personality for him in my mind. Kapeesh?
It's not healthy. Fuck, it's not recommended. It encourages lots of idle, self-indulgent languishing over what could be. And that, my friends, is unprofitable.
Sure, it's a fun imaginational activity. Creating endless scenarios in which we would first talk/get to know one another, go on dates, fall in love, have our own customs...even how we'd rear children or run a home...but in terms of the real world--it's utter bullshit.
Haha, I typed the word "utter."
Falling in love with the idea of a person is safer. It allows the imaginer to remain conservative and stagnant--no feelings or vulnerability need go out on the line. They stay tucked away in the mind where it's safe. But we shouldn't reside in the womb forever. Having a safe space to unwind in and return to is a good thing, but living there isn't really living. I'm not suggesting that a person should pursue every living being she admires or finds herself attracted to. That would be silly and equally counterproductive. Can we please find a happy medium?
Let us pick our battles. Let us pick our loves. Imagining the way in which you'd like to be in a relationship can be helpful--it may even prepare you for what is to come. But falling in love with an idea won't take you anywhere. That idea is not fertile. It's a vapid, empty space that cannot be filled. This is heartache. We yearn for or miss a memory of a person--but this person is not in fact real. IT'S NOT REALITY, BITCHES. You can sulk in that idea for two months. That's a manageable break-up period, but if you've never even been with that person physically/emotionally, you can only sulk for, like, a week. Ideas are powerful things. Let's not let them take advantage of us.
This became a rant and a half. Hooray for informal, choppy blog posts! Hooray for midnight essays! I'll edit this in the morning.
I for one have not yet fallen in love. Let me qualify: I have not yet fallen in love and received mutual love-feels at the time of loving. In short, I've loved the idea of many a person (and character, if you count those). It hasn't really been unrequited love, either. Just straight up: this person seems super awesome; let me not ever put myself in a position to get to know him fully and instead I'll go on ahead and create the perfect personality for him in my mind. Kapeesh?
It's not healthy. Fuck, it's not recommended. It encourages lots of idle, self-indulgent languishing over what could be. And that, my friends, is unprofitable.
Sure, it's a fun imaginational activity. Creating endless scenarios in which we would first talk/get to know one another, go on dates, fall in love, have our own customs...even how we'd rear children or run a home...but in terms of the real world--it's utter bullshit.
Haha, I typed the word "utter."
Falling in love with the idea of a person is safer. It allows the imaginer to remain conservative and stagnant--no feelings or vulnerability need go out on the line. They stay tucked away in the mind where it's safe. But we shouldn't reside in the womb forever. Having a safe space to unwind in and return to is a good thing, but living there isn't really living. I'm not suggesting that a person should pursue every living being she admires or finds herself attracted to. That would be silly and equally counterproductive. Can we please find a happy medium?
Let us pick our battles. Let us pick our loves. Imagining the way in which you'd like to be in a relationship can be helpful--it may even prepare you for what is to come. But falling in love with an idea won't take you anywhere. That idea is not fertile. It's a vapid, empty space that cannot be filled. This is heartache. We yearn for or miss a memory of a person--but this person is not in fact real. IT'S NOT REALITY, BITCHES. You can sulk in that idea for two months. That's a manageable break-up period, but if you've never even been with that person physically/emotionally, you can only sulk for, like, a week. Ideas are powerful things. Let's not let them take advantage of us.
This became a rant and a half. Hooray for informal, choppy blog posts! Hooray for midnight essays! I'll edit this in the morning.
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